Weekly News

Discussion in 'THE AIGBURTH ARMS' started by Nikki the Great, Jul 7, 2018.

  1. Simonr1978

    Simonr1978 Console Officer

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    It was a reference to Cloud starting a conversation about potatoes, which was what initially seemed to set Neil off. Besides, I like potatoes. However, I might suggest that next time Neil uses an obviously inappropriate avatar Seb could change it to a picture of a potato.
     
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  2. Underdunn

    Underdunn Deck Sergeant

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    Hello and welcome to NWN for the week ending 25 August 2018, I am your guest host @Underdunn as regular anchor-woman @Nikki the Great is currently away in New York…

    ...However I believe she is available via satellite link up so let’s see if we can go to her now… Nikki, are you there?

    [​IMG]

    Oh... um... sorry everyone we seem to be having some trouble with the sound there...

    Oh well, I'm sure she's just saying that she's fine and she misses you all.

    …*coughs*…

    …Okay, on with the news! This week sponsored by FLEX TAPE – here’s the forums answer to Barry Scott to tell you more…


    …Thanks @Cloud

    WORLD RECORD ATTEMPT

    There was huge excitement this week when members of the Aigburth Arms joined forces to break the world record for the most amount of Pringles stuck up one’s posterial cavern.

    Sadly confusion reigned as to what precisely the rules were.

    Resident hippy @Simonr1978 wanted to know:

    Whilst NWN’ very own @Nikki the Great pondered:

    We are still waiting for confirmation on both these pertinent questions from the late Noris Mcwhirter… who has thus far remained tight lipped on the matter… Something none of us will be, when we actually go through with the attempt.

    Full story here: http://www.reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/how-many-pringles-could-you-put-in-your-bum.9102/

    SKEMERSDALE MANIA

    The forum went Skemersdale crazy this week after it was announced that resident keeper-of-the-peace @BozBoo would be working there all week on a dangerous undercover assignment.

    Trivia lover @Ant E was quick to start up a thread dedicated solely to facts pertaining to the town in question and the forum was stunned to learn such informative nuggets like it was actually the birthplace of well known 80’s songstress Sonia:

    [​IMG]
    …there was also some guff mentioned about it being a better thread than the much missed ‘Word Of The Day’ one, but in this reporters opinion it definitely wasn’t and you can all f*** off as far as I’m concerned.

    Anyway more on this pathetic story here if you can be bothered: http://www.reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/skelmersdale-facts-of-the-day.9101/

    SAUSAGE-GATE

    A scandal of Trumpian proportions hit the forum this week when an historic transcript of a statement made by none other than our very own @jmc2000 was published online.

    In it he states he refuses to enter the chatroom unless accompanied by a woman of the opposite sex, because he fears becoming embroiled in a ‘sausage fest’.

    What follows is an artists representation of what NWN believe @jmc2000 sees inside his head when picturing this.

    Reader discretion is advised…

    [​IMG]

    How this scandal will effect his chances of being re-elected ‘forum father figure’ during the mid-terms, remains to be seen.

    AND FINALLY…

    Sightings of the mysterious @terrorform have increased of late, with now over a dozen independent witnesses insisting he 'always appears around half midnight, checking the list of the online members'.

    We here at NWN would like to know what you think? Is @terrorform real or is this all a hoax designed by @Seb to try and create an urban-legend and increase forum traffic?

    Rumours that the following mask was found in @Seb's parents basement (where he lives) have so far remained unconfirmed.

    [​IMG]

    And that's your lot! Thanks for reading, rest assured regular anchor @Nikki the Great will of course be back next week and this thread might actually become funny again.

    Sorry everyone and goodnight.

    *waves to producer to come and help lift him down from his chair.*
     
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  3. Simonr1978

    Simonr1978 Console Officer

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    Hang on a sec! At what point did I become a hippy?!?
     
  4. Underdunn

    Underdunn Deck Sergeant

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    Since I saw your photo. :-D
     
  5. Simonr1978

    Simonr1978 Console Officer

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    Oh I see how it is, so all hippies just look the same to you do they? HAIRIST!
     
  6. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Hahahhahaahhaahhahahaa nice one @Underdunn that amused me a lot. Thanks for taking over while I'm out here. It's highly appreciated x
     
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  7. Eddiebadassdavis

    Eddiebadassdavis Supply Officer

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    wait wait wait wait WAIT WAIT!!!!........... You're a hippy?
     
  8. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    IT'S BACK TO NORMAL! IT'S THE WEEKLY NEWS!
    [​IMG]
    Nikki's Weekly News.

    Apologising for last week's strange gnome invasion.

    Good evening. I'm @Nikki the Great and I'm back with more FORUM WEEKLY NEWS. Now for this week's highlights:


    Kittypaws crowned the Pringles-in-bum champ.

    Our resident furry friend, @Kittypaws, was surprised this week when she unexpectedly became the winner of the Pringles-in-bum competition, started by former Crystal Maze host, and Stars In Their Eyes winner @Cloud. We're not sure of the exact number at this time, but it's rumoured to be five tubes. More on this story here: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/how-many-pringles-could-you-put-in-your-bum.9102/


    Eddiebadassdavis is tired of Bluey's Pepsi obsession.

    Much-feared forum boss, @Eddiebadassdavis, called out his rival mod @Bluey this week, over @Bluey's Pepsi fixation. At the time of writing there has been no sign of a truce between our two mods. Rumours that @Eddiebadassdavis stole a Coca-cola truck and ran @Bluey off the road whilst chanting "Holidays are coming" cannot be confirmed at this time. You can read more about this uneasy situation here:
    http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/currently.7860/page-305#post-237198


    Everyone hates the Muppets.

    Despite the forum being rumoured to have Gonzo's #fiancee as one of it's members, it was revealed this week that pretty much everyone on the forum dislikes the Muppets. The revelation came when former BNP leader @hubbard made a thread dedicated to a film about the party he used to lead, that nobody bothered to read. We wonder what @terrorform makes of this, given his striking resemblance to Bert off Sesame Street. We imagine his face looks sort of like this right now:
    [​IMG]
    You can read more on this here, but we advise you to skip the first post:
    http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/the-muppet-movie-1979-a-retrospective.9104/


    Chat is full of creepers.

    Following on from our pint-sized associate host @Underdunn's report last week on Sausage-Gate, we can now confirm that chat has a number of males who want to bone me. The following people have since cleared their names:
    @Simonr1978
    @Pembers
    @BozBoo
    @spaceweevil

    The rest of you are great big perverts :sulk:


    Eddiebadassdavis raps.

    In brighter news, the forum was treated to an original rap by the next 50 Cent, @Eddiebadassdavis:
    Is there no end to this guys talents? What will he surprise us with next?


    Terrorform spotting.

    And finally, our regular segment dedicated to various sightings of the mysterious silent lurker @terrorform, who was spotted at a very unusual time this week, during the day - coincidently (or not) at around the same time I arrived back. Sadly there was no...unique poetry from him. Here's a picture of our long-necked friend peering in curiously at what we're all up to:
    [​IMG]
    Fantastic.


    That's all for today, but I'll see you again next week for the next exciting edition of WEEKLY NEWS! Goodnight!


    <tries to pout...brushes it off as twitching>

     
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  9. Asclepius

    Asclepius Deck Sergeant

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    Nice poem and true.
     
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  10. thinkingman

    thinkingman Second Technician

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    Evidently I am terrible at arranging meetups, probably worse than @kry102001

    For those that don't know, I've been a little busy with saving money for the Dimension Jump convention and also getting my middle name changed to Kryten. Once the convention is over I will save some money and perhaps rent out a pub event room for a Red Dwarf marathon (I have an LED projector so that will help).

    I will look into this seriously, there's a few pubs with event rooms around here so I'll look into it but I won't be able to arrange anything until November/December :-)
     
  11. thinkingman

    thinkingman Second Technician

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    Also, does anyone know how to change your nickname here?
     
  12. Pembers

    Pembers Console Officer

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    Have to get permission from the Skipper @Seb
     
  13. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Nobody can resist a good projector ;-) See you at the Christmas party you're organising for all of us.

    Is your middle name literally Kry10 now? :O

    You want to change it to Kry10 don't you?
     
  14. Ant E

    Ant E Science Officer

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    What about my Leeds meet up? :-S
     
  15. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    It was an unmitigated disaster from what I remember.
     
  16. Underdunn

    Underdunn Deck Sergeant

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    You can all meet up round mine, I'm not actually there at the moment so what do I care? Have fun, don't leave skids x
     
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  17. Ant E

    Ant E Science Officer

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    What have you ever arranged that benefited the forum? NOTHING!
     
  18. Eddiebadassdavis

    Eddiebadassdavis Supply Officer

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    That is a exssused profile pic
     
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  19. Cloud

    Cloud Flight Co-Ordinator

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    FULLY agree
     
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  20. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Here here! I've never seen something so exssused in my LIFE!
     
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