Weekly News

Discussion in 'THE AIGBURTH ARMS' started by Nikki the Great, Jul 7, 2018.

  1. Ant E

    Ant E Science Officer

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    @Nikki the Great - I am willing to answer this “on the record” as an exclusive for your next Weekly Forum News?
     
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  2. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Excellent.
     
  3. BozBoo

    BozBoo Deck Sergeant

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    Hello Spaceman.
     
  4. Underdunn

    Underdunn Deck Sergeant

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    Will there be no news this week? :crying:

    And if not, will they put a cartoon on instead? :-D
     
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  5. Ant E

    Ant E Science Officer

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    Why has @Spaceman not provided this sound recording of a toilet or something?
     
  6. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    AND NOW HERE IS THE (DELAYED) WEEKLY FORUM NEWS!

    The highlight of your week.

    Good evening. I'm @Nikki the Great and I'm here with the (delayed) Weekly Forum News!


    Forum weekly news delayed.

    Everyone was kept waiting several hours today for their weekly dose of forum news. The cause? The forum went down for the 20th time this week. It is being speculated that the forum was hacked by @neilold. Investigations into this serious matter continue.

    New members.

    Nearly everyone was excited at the influx of new members this week. The forum welcomes members @Barry Wilson and @Duke The Dumpster Droese amongst others. This exciting event also drew attention from well known actors @Friaser Crane and @Ted Danson. Everyone on the forum was pleased by this happy occasion, apart from @Stephen, who made the following statement: "Cnuts". More on this can be seen here (but only if you are logged in) http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/members/stephen.7051/#profile-post-1011

    Danny Spaceman returns (again).

    Nobody on the forum was happy to see the return of Danny @Spaceman or Danny @JamieSalmon. There was a strange promise of a recording of the sounds of a toilet being flushed, but this was never delivered. Popular member @Ant E tried to reason with him, saying:
    Neilold does whatever he wants.

    Local UKIP representative @neilold has finally gained invincibility and is free to do whatever he likes on the forum. This weeks crimes include posting a video of old ladies masturbating to 9/11 footage, making strange jokes/remarks about black people and changing his avatar to a T Shirt displaying ridiculous political statement. We tried to reach Neil for comment, but he was too spineless to provide. We will endeavour to update this situation at some point.

    Winston returns.

    The forum saw the return of our resident ghost busting friend @winston this week. The following footage was captured of @winston and friends returning to a heroes welcome:
    [​IMG]
    More about this delightful subject here: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/currently.7860/page-285#post-235900


    Bluey makes a joke.

    Notorious forum grump @Bluey surprised us all this week by making a funny joke. To see for yourself, click the following link:
    http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/what-did-everyone-have-for-tea-last-night.9070/#post-236012
    Miracles really do happen on this forum!


    BREAKING NEWS!

    This is a highly important subject on missing person @Andrew:

    Your views are urgently required!


    Terrorform still lurks.

    Our monobrowed, terrible haircut sporting friend @terrorform continues to lurk online at night. What does he want? Who knows. But we are currently advising you to check your surroundings, as you never know where he might pop up
    [​IMG]


    I'm afraid that's it for this week. Sorry if I forgot to include anything, I've had to rush to get this live due to the terrible hacking incident earlier.

    As always, I am open to contributions. But please PM me or I WILL forget.

    Until text time, GOODNIGHT!

    <lowers glasses and chews pen seductively>
     
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  7. Cloud

    Cloud Flight Co-Ordinator

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  8. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Glad to see @terrorform is enjoying reading about himself.
     
  9. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN! IT'S THE FORUM WEEKLY NEWS!

    Or Nikki's Weekly News (thanks @Underdunn)

    [​IMG]

    <dramatic music plays>


    Good evening. I'm @Nikki the Great, here to bring you an exciting weekly round up of the weeks' events.


    Jmc2000 takes a truckload of speed and posts on the forum.

    Having been MIA for some time, self-appointed Mayor of the forum @jmc2000 reappeared this week, having been on an amphetamine binge just hours before. Due to the quantity of drugs in his system, @jmc2000 began posting at a rapid rate, which may or may not be linked to the forum going offline several times. Once the substance had left his system, @jmc2000 hopped on his posh bike and rode off into the sunset, not to be seen on the forum since. Read more about this alarming story here:
    http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/search/11780574/


    Stephen calls us naughty words again.

    The entire forum was left in a state of shock when self-exiled member @Stephen once again returned to the forum to call us all naughty names. President of the forum Neighbourhood Watch @Bluey spoke to us about this:
    Despite reaching out to @Stephen for comment on this, @Stephen has yet to respond. We hope @Stephen clarifies the problem to us in due course, so we may all rectify the issue with @Stephen.
    More on this story can be read here: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/members/stephen.7051/#profile-post-1016 but you have to log in to see @Stephen's post, because @Stephen's has set it so that only logged in members can view the profile of @Stephen.


    I am on my period.

    Yes I am. :sulk:


    Neilold sniffs his own farts.

    Nigel Farage superfan @neilold disgusted the forum this week by admitting to inhaling his own flatulence for pleasure. Here is the footage captured of the statement:

    No further footage or comment on this situation is available at the current time.


    Danny Spaceman makes a lame recording.

    And not a single f*** was given that day! We are declining to give this story any further coverage due to it's lameness, and hope that Danny @Spaceman goes back to recording his hands soon. Yawn.


    Sarah briefly returns.

    Everyone was feeling very hopeful when missing lifeguard @Sarah came running back to the forum this week. It was hoped she would be able to save @kry102001 from his unfortunate situation of being stuck in a pool in Turkey, but sadly forum sleaze @Pembers scared her off by showing her his willy. More can be read here: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/currently.7860/page-292#post-236306


    Members accidentally sabotage the Radio Times sci-fi award.

    @Cloud and myself found ourselves at the centre of a huge scandal this week, when we got confused and voted for various nominees for the Radio Times Sci-Fi Champion award, sabotaging Red Dwarf's chances of winning. We can only apologise for the mess we made and hope that @Abe will too. You can read about this disgraceful behaviour here:
    http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/vote-red-dwarf-fast.9079/
    Sorry everyone :-(


    Underdunn reveals a shameful secret.

    Resident garden gnome @Underdunn revealed to stunned chat users that he had created a terrible craze that tends to take place at various sci-fi conventions around the globe. He expressed remorse on the situation, but it will take a long time for the forum to heal from this revelation. Viewers are warned that they may find the footage disturbing, and are to watch at their own risk:
    http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/dimension-jump-xx-2018.7998/page-4#post-236247



    Neilold loses his marbles.

    The only member who could possibly hit the headlines twice in one week, @neilold finally confirms what we all suspected a long time ago, since he began talking to himself. He reached new heights this week when he said the following for no apparent reason:
    Followed by:
    as if that would explain the situation.
    More can be read on this baffling story here:
    http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/choose-your-side.9078/page-2#post-236439


    RECTUMfacedPYGMY receives an interesting offer.

    Casual forum member @RECTUMfacedPYGMY was delighted upon receiving an offer for his recently listed item on ebay. Generous forum member @Cloud was captured making the following kind offer:
    Everyone was touched by the gesture and hope that @RECTUMfacedPYGMY enjoys his part of the bargain too.
    More on this heartwarming story here:
    http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/rare-blue-midget-model-amazing.9077/


    Harry Terrorform still lurks on us at night.

    What week would be complete without footage from our nature watch team of our nightly silent lurking visitor:
    [​IMG]
    What a stunner!


    That's all for this week, but I shall be back as usual next week, when I will have finished my period. Isn't that exciting? Goodnight!

    <scowls periodly at the camera>


     
  10. Underdunn

    Underdunn Deck Sergeant

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  11. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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  12. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Thank you! And I would credit @Underdunn for the logo, but seeing as he's been slagging me off to Trump he gets nothing :sulk:
     
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  13. Cloud

    Cloud Flight Co-Ordinator

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    I love the weekly news .I like to see if I was up to any trouble in case I forgot. I usually am
     
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  14. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    IT'S A DAY LATE, BUT IT'S HERE NOW! IT'S THE WEEKLY NEWS!

    [​IMG]
    Nikki's Weekly News


    Good evening. I'm @Nikki the Great and I have no idea why it's randomly underlining certain words. I assume this is due to the news being late. But I'm here now, so let's begin.


    Stephen swears at everyone.

    Long time forum member @Stephen caused much upset and grief to everyone, by calling us all really terrible names, which he gave no reason for doing. Resident binocular-clad busybody @Bluey appeared quickly on the scene and told us
    before disappearing back into the bush he emerged from. More on this story later.


    Stephen gets banned.

    Just when you thought things couldn't get any wackier, @Stephen was booted from the forum by a very weary Seb, who said the following about Stephen's new Fonze-like attitude:
    More on this story later.


    Stephen wasn't really banned.

    Just when everyone was locking up their daughters in fear of the new bad boy in town, it emerged that Stephen wasn't banned at all, he had just requested his account be deleted from the forum. When this didn't happen promptly enough for Stephen's liking, he took it upon himself to call everyone on the forum (including the ladies!) a naughty C word, so that poor tired Seb would notice and delete his account. Which he did. That's the way to get things you want folks - call the ladies by a bad word related to their ladybits. More can be read on this story here:
    http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/currently.7860/page-295#post-236526
    More on this story later.


    People whine on Facebook about Stephen being banned.

    Just as everyone was recovering from the shocking turn of events over Stephen's ban/deletion request, it emerged that there was uproar on Facebook about how unjust it all was that Stephen should be banned. A disgruntled Seb clarified the situation with the following statement:
    To our knowledge no apology was issued by the moaners in question, but we would suggest those that lurk on the forum silently, just to find things to whinge about on Facebook, to stop being such spineless little twerps and come out and say what their problems are and who with. But being that they are great big cowardly bumbags, we don't expect to hear anything from them anytime soon.
    More on this story some other time maybe.


    Terrorform spotting.

    As usual we leave you with news that @terrorform still rumages through our rubbish at night, hunting for things to screenshot for his album. Despite many attempts to reach out to the single eyebrowed creature, no response has been given at this time, although here's some fascinating footage of him:
    [​IMG]
    Great stuff.


    Well that's all for this week. We'll never forget our fallen soldier Stephen or all that he stood for. We will miss you Simon. Goodnight.

    <crawls across the desk provocatively>
     
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  15. Simonr1978

    Simonr1978 Console Officer

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    Wait a minute! What did I do? :crying:
     
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  16. Cloud

    Cloud Flight Co-Ordinator

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    I committed suicide last night when this wasn't up but now it has appeared I have regenerated. This was a sad week R.I.P Simon.
     
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  17. Eddiebadassdavis

    Eddiebadassdavis Supply Officer

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    didn't Stephen have a you tube account reacting to Red Dwarf XII
     
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  18. Simonr1978

    Simonr1978 Console Officer

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    Yeah, he did but I think he's deleted that now too.
     
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  19. Cloud

    Cloud Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Who is the new deleting master @kry102001 or @stephen? You decide
     
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  20. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    @Stephen cos at least @kry102001 left his amazing youtube channel up and slipped off quietly into the night without abusing us :sulk:
     

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