If you could recast ONE cast member of Red Dwarf..

Discussion in 'RED DWARF UNIVERSE' started by jedshepherd, Dec 7, 2015.

  1. jedshepherd

    jedshepherd Console Officer

    Aug 7, 2015
    I think he would also make a good Kryten!
  2. KingR76

    KingR76 Deck Sergeant

    Nov 16, 2011
    Holly: SPOILER ALERT! I'm not gonna be featured in this sketch- so that's sketch is knackered innit?
    Rimmer: Um, Lister? Why did you eject the results from my astro navs out into space?
    Lister: Cos I was BORED!!!!
    Rimmer: Well I don't believe you, I think you did it just because I have a runny pen.
    Kryten: Don't worry sirs, I'll just stir up a nice casserole with this bit of lychen from that asteroid we passed a few clicks ago.
    Lister: OH GOD! Not lichen casserole- AGAIN!
    Rimmer: Why isn't anyone listening to me?
    Lister: Cos you're a complete smeghead!
    Cat: Ummmmmm, ummmm casserole? If theres one thing that mutated space girls love its a guy with six nipples filled up with casserole.
    Rimmer: I'm serious-
    Cat: So am I - as one Cat said to another Cat who is PURE raunch- "You're pure raunch!"
    Rimmer: I'm serious about my astro navs! Why isn't anyone listening to me?!
    Lister: Because you're a complete Smeghead- and no one likes you!
    Rimmer: I find that VERY hard to believe.
    Lister: Ok, lets make a bet on it-
    Rimmer: I'm stingy with money!
    Kryten: Oh nonsense sir, I lent you twelve dollar pounds to get some irradiated haggis out of the vending machine.
    Rimmer: Damn- *Puts money on the table*
    Cat: Ok, the bets on!
    Rimmer: Right, hands up who thinks I'm the most wonderful, well rounded, best ever, classiest, most eligible, coherent, competent most terrific officer material this side of Scumbag Universe?

    Lister, Cat and Kryten don't put their hands up, Rimmer puts both his hands up, kicks a passing skutter into sticking his head up and realises he's been outdone.

    Rimmer: Damn!

    Kryten puts part of the winnings into the pot along with the casserole.

    Lister: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! THis means that Rimmer is STILL the most unlikeable smeg head EVER!
    Rimmer: *Picks up Listers guitar and smashes it over his bunk* That will teach you to cast aspersions on my superiority Lister, now? Who wants to gaze in admiration at just how wonderful I am?
    Lister: *Tries to rip Rimmers H off*

    Cut to Skutter.

    Skutter: Don't look at me, I've never had a speaking part-
    Cat: OWWWWWW! ALL my parts sp-
    Kryten: Sir, Rimmers pretend superiority has just led to a space time continuum.

    Cut to Lister and Rimmer several floors up close to where the asteroid which is embedded into Red Dwarf is lodged.

    Rimmer: I AM NOT A SMEGHEAD!
    Lister: YOU ARE!

    Cut to sleeping quarters and the Skutter is making its way out.

    Cat: That's a good idea, lets go down to the docking bay and I can make some awesome moves on the dancefloor!
    Kryten: Oh wow! Take it no one is gonna take my casserole, not like I slaved away ALL day cooking it!

    Part of the asteroid with both Lister and Rimmer on top of it comes crashing through the sleeping quarters narrowly missing Cat and Kryten.

    Rimmer: I AM NOT A SMEG HEAD- Ok, ok, IF I'm not a Smeghead how come I know how to pass my asto navs?
    Lister: By writing the answers out on your body, writing I am a Fish and then fainting!
    Rimmer: Damn!

    Roll End Credits:

    Cat: We need to watch my Tongue Tied video again!
    Kryten: Ooooh, have we got a video?
    Lister: If anyone else asks me that today, I'm gonna stick their head into the garbage pod.
    Kryten: Sir? Sir? Have we got a video?
    Lister: Come with me Kryts, sideways in- YES WE'VE GOT A VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Written in dedication and out of respect for Rik Mayall and the influence he and his creativity brought to us all.

    KingRichard76 26 October 2016
  3. bedfordfalls

    bedfordfalls Deck Sergeant

    Apr 13, 2009
    The correct answer is Kerry Shale with literally anyone.
  4. percyP

    percyP Third Technician

    Oct 7, 2016
    I'd replace Chris Barrie so he was free to come and live with me....or was that not what you meant?! ;-)
  5. emmawatson

    emmawatson Second Technician

    Mar 24, 2012
    "Three times, the Captain asked: If Red Dwarf has nuclear weapons, why cam't we use them?"
  6. BigOleDummy

    BigOleDummy Guest

    Guess I'm not getting into the swing of things but I can't for the life of me even imagine ANY of the Dwarfers being recast. Each is just so ........ good for their roles. Lol, I was even a little upset when Hattie was cast as Holly!

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